He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
