i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
