and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
