no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
