glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
