He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
