i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
