Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I looked at my own cervix.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
