cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
