i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
