Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
