he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
even my farts smell like vagina
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't put those talents on a resume
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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