he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
