Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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