New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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