Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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