I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i think im in europe. pls send help
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
