RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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