Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
