My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
