Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
