nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
