I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
