i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
