you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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