i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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