she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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