I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You may now shotgun with the bride
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
