I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
