i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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