I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
