Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
