Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
