Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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