i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
