i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
