All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam đ
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasnât going home with him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I get sad thinking about all the sex Iâm missing out on because of the virus
I instituted âquarantine and chillâ months ago. Itâs not like penises go soft just because theyâre working at home.
Sheâs 47 and wants me to fuck her on her momâs hospital bed
Randomize
