i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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