y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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