worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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