Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
