Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
