Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
