I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
