just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
