There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
