GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
