I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
