dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
