I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
